Dear Infertility, I hated you. You steal dreams. You break hearts. You bring grief. You consume lives. You are the reason I couldn’t get pregnant on my own. You drowned my heart in deep misery from the inability to become a Mother how … Continue reading
A couple weeks ago the perfect storm hit our household. It is the hardest when your kids are sick. Sickness in our household means triple everything… the snot, the fevers, the tantrums. However, not only did this storm include our sick triplets, but my … Continue reading
So we finally made the dreaded decision to take away the triplets pacifiers. For those of you whose children LOVE their paci’s then I am sure you can understand that the pacifier struggle is REAL. The triplets have always loved their, … Continue reading
My sister is getting married in 2 days and this is a little taste of my week… This photo was taken a day before the walls of snot, germs, and poor sleep came tumbling down in this household. I should … Continue reading
I was supposed to be in Acapulco, Mexico this week bronzing on a sandy beach with a cocktail in hand surrounded by my very best friends soaking in the warm sun and cherishing every second of a kid-free week! But I … Continue reading
Recently, I was genuinely congratulated, twice in one week, on my “baby bump.” I am not pregnant. However, I do have a little left over postpartum pooch, but I have always felt amazing and proud of my body after having my triplets; what … Continue reading
“Your babies will probably have developmental issues if you don’t breastfeed them through at least their first year of life.” Wow. Talk about Mom guilt!!! Someone actually told me that. I was experiencing the wrath of not being a die hard … Continue reading
I hated you.
You steal dreams. You break hearts. You bring grief. You consume lives. You are the reason I couldn’t get pregnant on my own. You drowned my heart in deep misery from the inability to become a Mother how most women do. You told me that my body wasn’t good enough. You may have been a huge part of my story, but you never defined me. And on this day, two years ago, I kicked your ass. I defeated you. I showed you that there is victory in infertility and God finally planted life in my womb.
Infertility, there are so many things you brought with you when you entered my life. It wasn’t just that I couldn’t get pregnant. You brought me more tears than I ever thought I could shed. Because of you I laid on my bathroom floor in complete emptiness after countless negative pregnancy tests time and time again. I had to endure shots, bruises, and all kinds of meds because when you are infertile and you seek fertility treatment for help, that is what you are in for. You are expensive and exhausting physically, emotionally, and mentally. Infertility, you drowned my heart in disappointment and agony. And truthfully, it was pretty painful every time I heard the words “I’m pregnant” from someone other than myself. And yet, in the midst of all of that-you brought me hope.
As much as I hated you, Infertility, I am also so thankful that you were my story. You made me strong. Even before I got pregnant, my strength was rising. Not only did I feel like Superwoman after all of those injections, meds, blood draws, doctor visits, etc. but I found strength emotionally, as well. I learned how to be brave and walk our story with faith trusting that God knew every single detail better than I did. I learned how to be courageous as my husband gave me a progesterone shot that hurt like you wouldn’t believe every single night for 2 months so I could get and stay pregnant. Infertility, you taught me that I am never alone in my darkest days. Never did I imagine I would be labeled as infertile. Nor did I imagine that we would seek fertility treatment. However, infertility, it is because of you that I get to be a Mom to Charlize, Sawyer, and Jax. This love that I get to experience with them is absolutely undeniable. It is the greatest feeling in the world and if you weren’t apart of my story, I would be missing out on a truly honorable role as their Mommy. It is because of you that two years ago I found myself lying on a Doctors bed waiting for two precious and perfectly made embryos to be transferred to my womb. Infertility, God used you in in my life to make a platform for my story and reach the hearts of people walking the same pain I was in. And it is because of you that I have a greater understanding of what hope really is.
Infertility, I don’t hate you, not anymore. God makes beauty out of ashes. You were my ashes, but God made you beautiful. If it wasn’t for you-for the extreme heartache you caused me, the lies you told me, the grief you brought my heart over and over again- not only would I not be a Mom to my darling hope triplets, but I can now truly grasp on to how powerful and remarkable it means to have hope in Jesus Christ. Hope anchors the soul. Hope does not disappoint. Hope is having faith for what seems impossible. It is trusting God when it feels hopeless. My journey to parenthood was nothing short of hope. God had every single detail orchestrated from the second He planted the seed of Motherhood in my heart. Infertility, today, when I really reflect on those years when you were apart of my life, I can only say, Thank you.
Mama of Hope
One of my goals for 2017 is to blog more. I love blogging and sharing the journeys the Lord paves for me. I think it is important to share our experiences, it bonds us as human beings and we … Continue reading
We are so so excited to share that we are collaborating with the amazing Freshly Picked!!! They have the most incredible Baby Moccs and are truly the first shoes our almost 11 month old triplets actually wear and keep on their … Continue reading