Dear Infertility, Thank you.

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Dear Infertility,

I hated you.

You steal dreams. You break hearts. You bring grief.  You consume lives.  You are the reason I couldn’t get pregnant on my own.  You drowned my heart in deep misery from the inability to become a Mother how most women do.  You told me that my body wasn’t good enough.  You may have been a huge part of my story, but you never defined me. And on this day, two years ago, I kicked your ass. I defeated you. I showed you that there is victory in infertility and God finally planted life in my womb.

Infertility, there are so many things you brought with you when you entered my life.  It wasn’t just that I couldn’t get pregnant.  You brought me more tears than I ever thought I could shed.  Because of you I laid on my bathroom floor in complete emptiness after countless negative pregnancy tests time and time again.  I had to endure shots, bruises, and all kinds of meds because when you are infertile and you seek fertility treatment for help, that is what you are in for.  You are expensive and exhausting physically, emotionally, and mentally.  Infertility, you drowned my heart in disappointment and agony.  And truthfully, it was pretty painful every time I heard the words “I’m pregnant” from someone other than myself.   And yet, in the midst of all of that-you brought me hope.

As much as I hated you, Infertility, I am also so thankful that you were my story.  You made me strong. Even before I got pregnant, my strength was rising. Not only did I feel like Superwoman after all of those injections, meds, blood draws, doctor visits, etc. but I found strength emotionally, as well. I learned how to be brave and walk our story with faith trusting that God knew every single detail better than I did. I learned how to be courageous as my husband gave me a progesterone shot that hurt like you wouldn’t believe every single night for 2 months so I could get and stay pregnant. Infertility, you taught me that I am never alone in my darkest days. Never did I imagine I would be labeled as infertile. Nor did I imagine that we would seek fertility treatment. However, infertility, it is because of you that I get to be a Mom to Charlize, Sawyer, and Jax. This love that I get to experience with them is absolutely undeniable. It is the greatest feeling in the world and if you weren’t apart of my story, I would be missing out on a truly honorable role as their Mommy. It is because of you that two years ago I found myself lying on a Doctors bed waiting for two precious and perfectly made embryos to be transferred to my womb. Infertility, God used you in in my life to make a platform for my story and reach the hearts of people walking the same pain I was in.  And it is because of you that I have a greater understanding of what hope really is.

Infertility, I don’t hate you, not anymore. God makes beauty out of ashes.  You were my ashes, but God made you beautiful.  If it wasn’t for you-for the extreme heartache you caused me, the lies you told me, the grief you brought my heart over and over again- not only would I not be a Mom to my darling hope triplets, but I can now truly grasp on to how powerful and remarkable it means to have hope in Jesus Christ.  Hope anchors the soul. Hope does not disappoint. Hope is having faith for what seems impossible.  It is trusting God when it feels hopeless. My journey to parenthood was nothing short of hope.  God had every single detail orchestrated from the second He planted the seed of Motherhood in my heart.  Infertility, today, when I really reflect on those years when you were apart of my life, I can only say, Thank you.

Sincerely,

Mama of Hope

@thefortintrio

The Fortin Trio

 

 

 

 

Family Photo Overload

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We had so much fun during our family photo shoot. I know there are some things I would have changed but that is the photographer in me. My Mom took the photos with us–I literally gave her my camera put on auto and went for it. I am so happy with them and overjoyed to have some updated family pictures!! Everyone was amazing. I think my babies are little models…literally!!! Enjoy the photos!!

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The babies are adjusting okay to their new schedule. We took the 4am feeding away from them last week and they still wake up continually needing to be soothed. Ryan and I do not pick them up out of their crib, which usually works but is tiring. The last two nights all three babies have woken up around 5 crying…and crying some more. Our day doesn’t usually start until 7am. So it is a work in progress.

We also got them on a new day time schedule. They are having 2 naps a day now. The morning nap is from about 9:20-11am and the afternoon I am hoping for at least an hour and a half, but the last several days it has been maybe an hour nap. I know they need to nap longer because they are so OVERTIRED and can barely make it through the rest of the evening without fuss galore, so the second day time nap is a work in progress!!

Charlize is adjusting well to her helmet. Although she hates wearing it, we are seeing progress. She definitely slept better when she wasn’t wearing it! We have about 8 more weeks to go.untitled-5

Jax is teething like crazzzy!!! He is my jolly chunkster!! I have three really happy babies, but this stud is always happy. He and Charlize, however, are struggling a lot with those teeth coming in. Poor babies. untitled-14

Sawyer is doing so good!! He is great at eating food with his hands–not everything makes it into his mouth, but he is on a roll. He is the most successful sleeper so far. They are my gerber babies!! So much cuteness!!untitled-16

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