Why Does it Matter How Someone Becomes a Mother?


The grief I felt in my heart from my empty womb was nothing like I have ever felt before. After our IUI’s failed I felt confused and overwhelmed. I was determined to do whatever we needed to do and I knew one way or another I would be a Mother. Infertility is such a struggle. It is painful and even in my own walk with God, I found myself confused by His ways-often wondering why I couldn’t just get pregnant like so many other people in my life. Ultimately, I trusted Him and knew His plans were much better than anything I could ever create for myself so I had to literally surrender my womb and my story to the Lord each day trusting in whichever path He led us on.

After our IUI’s failed, we believed the steps God was paving for us was IVF. We received a lot of love and support from our families and friends, which was needed and gave us strength as we endured such a physically, emotionally, and financially challenging season of our journey. We also shared in some difficult conversations with loved ones who didn’t understand our decision to move forward with IVF. It was most certainly not easy for me to hear “this is not of God,” or “we will support you, only if you adopt.” I had a lot of mixed emotions, but ultimately, I knew the steps we were taking were from the Lord and I trusted in Him. Regardless of what others may have thought in our decision to move forward with fertility treatment I knew God was creating a story of hope for us and through us.

After our Gender Reveal Video went viral, some of those same emotions were stirring in my heart once again. We received a lot of wonderful amazing thoughtful messages which truly blessed my heart. And again, there were those who expressed their opinions and were completely unsupportive of our choices in how we became pregnant (as if they knew my story, my heart, and the journey I have been on). Some of these comments were crude, hurtful, and sad—they never even had a conversation with Ryan or I and they were ridiculing us for choosing IVF rather than “waiting on God” or “adopting” stating that we were “killing life” assuming we were discarding our remaining embryos. Because of this, I felt compelled to share my heart.

Why does it matter how someone becomes a Mother?

It doesn’t.

Struggling to get pregnant is a very painful, agonizing, and personal journey. Not everyone exposes their hearts and is vulnerable to the emotions that come with the walk like we have been. It doesn’t matter what path a woman chooses to take to build their family, all are beautiful and acceptable. No one should be judged or condemned for their story or how they became parents. I am proud of my story. God gave us a more beautiful story than I could have every designed on my own. We stood firm to hope and grew closer to our Heavenly Father and each other through all the pain and all the joys that this walk entailed.

God was in control of EVERY single detail of our journey. If God did not want us to become pregnant through IVF or it wasn’t in His timing yet, our embryo transfer would have been unsuccessful. He gave our incredible Doctors wisdom and education to have the ability to help us conceive, but ultimately, it was all in His hands. As well, I believe God has used our story of HOPE to reach the hearts of so many people. Ryan and I have 12 remaining embryos, all of which we will adopt out to other couples struggling with infertility seeking a family. Embryo adoption is not something I ever imagined we would be in the position to be able to do, however my heart rejoices that God would use us and our story to one day bring a miracle of hope to other families. WOW!!!

There are many avenues to parenthood for someone struggling to conceive: fertility drugs, IUI, IVF, adoption, surrogacy, etc. ALL are the right paths for the right person. It doesn’t matter which route someone chooses to take to become a parent. Shouldn’t we be celebrating life and the fact that people who struggled to conceive their miracles are becoming parents everyday instead of worrying or caring about how they got there?

10 thoughts on “Why Does it Matter How Someone Becomes a Mother?

  1. I love your spunk and open heart! God truly did have a hand in your journey. It is very commendable that you are willing to adopt out your embryos to other couples struggling like you have 💕 best wishes 💕

    • Denise,
      Thank you so much!!! God is so good and He perfectly orchestrated every detail of our story. I am so blessed. Yes, I knew the second we found out that we had 14 embryos God had an even bigger plan for us than we could even imagine. It is amazing that He is using us to be able to offer hope and family to others. Thank you for loving on me today xo

  2. Thank you for sharing your heart and story.. please don’t let the negative people or comments steal you joy.. As I sent you before a while, I am truly touched by your story and it gave me hope that one day God will hopefully bless my husband and I with children! God bless you and your husband. Thank you so much for your testimony and story

    • Jenn,
      Aww thank you Jenn! Thankfully, God has given both my hubby and I strong hearts and we have learned a lot from our journey. People always have opinions, but I know God gave us our miracles and he designed every detail of our journey so perfectly. Thank you for showering my heart in love and joy!!
      I am praying for you and sending lots of love and hugs your way!! xoxo

  3. Desiree I’m with you 100 percent I really wonder why people criticize IVF??? It is the best miracle of God. I have 3 beautiful children through IVF. A girl and twins (boy and girl) and it was all orchestrated by the hand of God through IVF. With severe male infertility with my husband the only option we had was IVF with ICSI and if that technology was not of God I don’t know who its from then? I come for a culture where assistance in getting pregnant is also frowned on but who cares??? All those who have those negative comments don’t know what it is to not have children and go through infertility. I kept reading your blog and just remembered where I was some few years back and gave me another opportunity to praise our heavenly father who had mercy on us and heard our cry and has blessed us. His word said none shall miscarry and be barren in the land!!! I held on to scripture all through our struggle and today I can confidently say its the Lords doing and marvelous in our sight. It took prayer and a lot or prayers by us from loved ones men of God for us to see our victory. We never had options for IUI etc our only option was IVF with ICSI our first failed after 6 weeks of pregnancy and the 2nd IVF gave us our first daughter and frozen embryo transfer our twins no one can tell me that’s wasn’t not of God because I know but for him I don’t know where I would be today. I’m with you in prayer for a successful pregnancy, delivery and health babies!!!!!. The Lord who has started this good work shall surely see you through to the end. Keep holding on to him and we will all continue to lift is name high for what he has done, is doing and will do. God bless you and the miracle trio!!!!

    • Lily,
      I couldn’t agree with you more. God orchestrated every single detail of our journey-and yours:) There are so many details with IVF that you cannot deny the role God has in all the steps to making life in our womb. We also did IVF with ICSI. It is amazing:) God is truly magnificent in all His ways.
      I do have to agree- infertility is such a struggle and unless you have been there it is sometimes difficult to understand. God is so good. I know He has taught me so much along our journey and I praise Him for every part of our story. He heard our cries. He is such a good Father. I am so touched by your story. It is amazing to see how faithful God is and I love hearing testimonies like yours!! I am so thrilled to hear that you have a girl and boy girl twins. What a precious blessing from above!!! You are so encouraging to me. Thank you for sharing your heart and your story!
      I also appreciate the prayers and love!! God is so good and I know He has us. My hope babies are such precious miracles and so loved by so many!!
      Thank you for sharing in the love and joy with us! xo

  4. I found your blog after watching your viral gender reveal. I think I sobbed through the entire thing. My heart hurt for you and your husband as you were going through the darkness of infertility, but I was also encouraged at how faithful to God you remained.

    My husband and I went through an IUI in the winter. It worked, but I unfortunately miscarried at 7 weeks. We took a break to go through additional testing and they actually think they found my issue. We start back with treatments next month. I’m going to try to walk by faith just as you did as I know it’s not likely to work the first time again — if it works at all.

    Thanks so much for sharing your story. You’ve blessed so many! Congrats!

    • Awww thank you so much!! I am so touched by your message. God is so good…infertility is such a struggle and I am so thankful that I know Him and that He gave us the strength and determination to get through our season. He is so faithful and the stories He makes for us are more beautiful than anything we could make for ourselves.

      I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been for you. i am so thankful for Doctors in the fertility world that they can help couples like us. You are stepping out in faith. keep your eyes on the Lord and know He is good. always. God can do anything. Your hope is in Him. May your heart be surrounded by His unmatchable love as you walk through your journey!! Sending so much love and prayers your way xoxox

  5. Hi Des!

    I have a question: I have friends who have also done IVF and had boy/girl twins, but they are stumped as to what to do with the remainder of their embryos and are freezing them until they decide. They do not want them destroyed, however they worry about the remote possibility that their kids may one day meet and fall in love with one of their own embryos! Have y’all ever thought about that? The only other option for them was to use their remaining embryos, but they feel like their family is complete now. It’s a far-fetched concern, but still it could possibly happen. Will u know the families who adopt? That would solve the problem right there.

    • Hi there Misty,

      All my love to your friends!! I completely understand what they are going through. We have 12 remaining embryos. We may go back and try for one more baby in a few years…we will see…otherwise we know for sure we will adopt them out to other families walking through infertility and pair our embryos with the right couple:) I know there is a possibility of something like that happening but I feel like we would need to have open communication or something to make sure that doesn’t happen. I am not familiar with embryo adoption or how it works exactly, but i know that is the route we will one day take. It is a hard decision and emotionally I am nowhere near ready for it. We are open to also adopting out our embryos to people we know, but it is a lot to think about…you know. 🙂 I know that isn’t very helpful, but it is such a personal decision and a hard one at that matter.

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