Engulfed with hope and wonder I squeezed Ryan’s hand tightly as we drove down the 5 freeway towards Reproductive Partners, our Fertility Clinic, for our very first fertility appointment. Butterflies filled my stomach and excitement filled the air. This was a new season on our journey to parenthood. A season that would create opportunities for my body to function the way it should and hopefully birth life into my womb. A season that I was finally ready for.
It was a Friday afternoon. The day before our 5th Wedding Anniversary. It was the start of something fresh. I was delighted to begin this chapter of our journey as there came a point during our infertility walk when I knew I needed the extra help in order to conceive and finally, the opportunity for that extra help was right in front of me.
My friend had bought me a pink bracelet with the words HOPE written in gold on it. I wore this bracelet all the time to remind me that HOPE is everything. And that no matter what, I would always choose Him. On this particular day, this bracelet was very special to me.
We continued to drive and I kept thinking about the song “You Make Me Brave” by Bethel. The lyrics are instrumental to my season.
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now
the Promises You’ve made
Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be waiting as long as I have to become a Mother. Waiting takes bravery. The truth is, there is no way I could ever face my days of agony and pure grief without God’s love, grace, and strength-in which He pours into my spirit in order for me to find victory in some of the hardest days of my life. The words to this song resinated deep in my heart in those moments as we headed to our appointment. If you have ever walked through infertility before, you know it takes a lot of bravery. I knew our choice to move forward with a Fertility Clinic would take courage and the ability to be brave. This is because what is ahead may consist of extreme invasiveness, financial burdens, and let downs-due to a success rate that is not all that amazing. However, this was the path we felt God finally released us to and we trusted in Him. And I would do anything to become a Mother. Anything. Even though part of my heart was consumed with some fears of what it meant to pursue fertility treatment, and ultimately no 100% guarantee that it would even work, I knew the Promises God had for me were much greater than any fear that stared me blank in the face.
Ryan prayed over us before we headed to our Clinic’s building… “God, we trust you and we thank you for this opportunity for us to move forward in this way. Whatever happens next we know your plans are always better than our dreams. Amen”
All of the sudden my nerves were running wild as we went up the elevator eight floors. It felt like it took forever. I gripped Ryan’s hand ever so tightly as I watched the numbers in the corner change from 1 to 2 to eventually 8. Deep breath in. “Here we go,” I thought. We stepped out the elavater and into the doors of the beginning of a new season of hope.
Finally, we were doing something that would bring more answers and more opportunities for us to get pregnant. We knew God had opened the doors for us to move forward in this way and believed wholeheartedly that whatever happened next would be exactly how He designed our story to be. After all, he created amazing Doctors to help women like me get pregnant.
We checked in and waited for our Doctor in the waiting area. Fertility Clinics are interesting. You know you are all there for the same reason: to become pregnant. But it’s not like you talk to each other. Lets be honest, it is kind of awkward. Not to mention the fact that Ryan and I are fairly young when it comes to seeking fertility treatment, which means we are like gold treasures in the eyes of fertility specialist.
Finally our Doctor was approaching us. It felt good to know that we would be working with a Professional Doctor who specialized in infertility and was very familiar with my diagnosis… We went into her office and just after exchanging a few short sentences I knew I loved her.
After discussing our situation and what we were facing we did an ultrasound. This ultrasound was much more exciting than the one I had the summer before because we got to see it as she examined me. She showed me my ovaries and why they are considered polycystic ovaries and then she showed me my follicles. “Wow. 20. 31. 42 I’m going to say about 42 on the left side…and it looks like the same on the right.” “Wow!!!” I thought. Even though it is normal for women with PCOS to have lots of follicles, it excited me to know that so many were there. Unfortunately, for some women they don’t have that many follicles which only aids in making this process even more difficult. So for me, this moment breathed a new kind of hope in my heart because this was something to be thankful for.
“I’m confident that we can get you pregnant,” Our Doctor said.
“Can you shake on that?” Ryan asked as he added some humor to our visit.
Our Doctor recommended we move forward with an IUI with the fertility drugs called Letrozole and Ovidrel trigger shot.
My heart was bursting with hope. Finally answers. Finally direction. Finally something new. Each person walking through infertility has a different story… and each story is unique to themselves. For us, we decided the IUI would be the first steps in our new season. This seemed promising, even though the statistics did not. However, God is the miracle maker of all babies and I knew regardless of any statistic no fear would hinder His Promises for me. We were so excited to begin this new journey and so thankful that God had already paved the way for us to at least begin the process financially. We trusted that if this was infact the plans He had for us all our tests and bloodwork that we needed to complete prior to beginning treatment would turn out very well, and ultimately we would get pregnant the first try. Following our time with our Doctor we were paired with our nurse who reviewed the protocol. It was a bit of a fertility overload. There is so much involved in treatment-so many important details and some big biological words. I am still amazed by all that is involved for any one person to become pregnant. Now all we needed was t0 complete a few tests and then we could start the process. For the first time on this agonizing journey, I finally felt like this would be very promising for us. There was a new kind of hope that was bursting through the seams of my soul that day. Ryan and I headed to dinner after our appointment to celebrate the start of this new chapter of our journey and what it would bring us.
This is where our journey really begins…